The
problem begins with parents not monitoring children’s phones. Most Korean
parents are busy working. Even moms who usually take care of their child, works.
It is because they need to pay for their children’s academies. The working moms
usually send their children to academies thinking it will help them. Despite
the effort of their parents, most children do not control themselves with their
phones. If no one watches or monitors them in academies, they also use their
phone in classes. I have seen several of my friends on their phones the whole
class.
The
solution to this problem is making an app to control the children’s use of
phones. The parents will be able to monitor the children’s activity by the app.
That way, the moms can call or warn their children if they are doing something
inappropriate and wrong. Some people might think that this solution takes away
people’s privacy; however, I believe that this is the only solution to decrease
the number of teenagers who are addicted to games or phones.
Some may
say that playing games will reduce children’s stress from studying. However,
there are healthier ways to relieve stress such as exercising or reading a
book. Moreover, I believe that even playing games will relieve student’s mental
stress, it will not relieve their physical stress.
Parents
should monitor children’s phone all the time. They need to check and control
what their children are doing with their phones. Do you know what your children
are doing right now? If you have a son or daughter with a phone, you really
need to monitor your child’s use of that phone.
By Ashley Min

You did well here. You have all the parts to the persuasive essay - problem, solution, the anti-argument and a good closing. well done!
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